Self Doubt & ‘the hungry ghosts’

Like many artists I’m plagued by self doubt and being born with a rare genetic skin disorder offers little relevance to this subject, other than offering another dimension to the struggles associated with self doubt.

Sometimes I look around at physically beautiful and healthy people and think “God, you are more dis-abled than I am”.

Self doubt is no different to my mutated, buggered up genes. It’s just a distorted, mutated programme of thoughts. The circumstances that created those distortions are of little interest to me now because far too often, repeated delving into those circumstance are just used to re-enforce how justified you are within your thinking programme. The ghosts are tricksters like that.

When I painted ‘Origins’ (my last post – depicting the Milky Way galaxy) it was, for me, a representation of unlimited potential (amongst other thoughts) and I could not wait to share my latest ‘masterpiece’ on my blog. Here is where things get interesting:

I logged onto WordPress to find at the very top of my Reader, a painting called ‘Bang!’ by S. Laura, which had been reblogged by Cristian Mihai. The painting depicts the Milky Way galaxy, with a very insightful description below it. When I saw and read her post, I fell back in my chair, stunned and thought “what an amazing piece of art she had created”. This was immediately followed by “I cant post my painting now, her work is so much better than mine”!! I was stunned by the amazing synchronicity of it all and my heart sank into my guts at the same time.

The hungry ghosts almost took me over entirely, however in a split second I decided NO!!! These ghosts will not win, I have listened to them for far too long. I posted my painting and got to meet a wonderful and talented artist as a result. The chain of events that have followed as a result of that split second decision, have been remarkable.

My point is, self doubt is the most crippling disorder around and it takes just a moment (sometimes over and over) to DECIDE that the ghosts of your fathers discouraging words or the 3rd grade teacher who belittles you or the society/family that rejects you as having no value, are no longer going to posses your potential!!!

The truth is, those ghosts are NEVER going to be satisfied, they will eat through your mind like a virus and its YOU who will pay the crippling price.

Its time to CTRL+ALT+DELETE those programmes/ghosts. Be bold, take back your mind and contemplate the actual truth of those ghosts. That’s what ‘Origins’ is all about, pure unlimited potential that we all had before we let the ghosts move in.

Demons in my head

‘The Exorcism” – I painted this back in 2010 and posted it in an older post entitled ‘Painting Saved my Soul’. Seems it was even more profound than I had previously given it credit for :). Wishing all my creative blogger friends freedom from your hungry ghosts.

You can find S Laura’s painting here:


4 responses to “Self Doubt & ‘the hungry ghosts’

  1. We are our own worst enemy, in every way. So happy you posted and didn’t listen to the nagging voice of self-doubt. Seeing your exorcism painting again should be a daily reminder — one every artist needs — of extracting those toxic thoughts. xx, S

    • Own worst enemy indeed!! Thank you S :), just imagine where we would be if those thoughts were never allowed to enter…. I think I will go and listen to John Lennon again 😀 xx

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